shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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