Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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