Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
