I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
