Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
