atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
