Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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