It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
