I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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