i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
3 2 1 whiskey
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize