He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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