Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
