mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
