He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Operation Purity has been aborted
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
