shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
