So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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