I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
