dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
