she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
