So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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