hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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