She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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