My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so let's talk penis.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
