i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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