No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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