his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
