How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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