I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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