whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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