What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
