He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
