girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
