At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
