...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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