Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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