I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can't motorboat a personality
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
