stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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