Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
