i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
