I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
