on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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