just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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