Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
