How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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