I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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