Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
