Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
God, I missed his penis.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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