I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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