God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
