drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
