Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
