I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
