he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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