youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
