i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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