i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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