I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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