I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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