It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
