That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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