sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
