A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
