I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
