I haven't been this sober since birth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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