Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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