You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
