I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
