I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
