I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
