omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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