so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
