I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
