I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
