Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
