you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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