dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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