There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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