bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
