i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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