Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
